Playing the Odds on the Bennifer Split

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have broken up, and this is sad.  The end of a marriage always is.  And I feel like karma would probably like me to just sit on my hands and not make any jokes right now, but I've been in my house all day, am starving (I am on a weird eating schedule during my vacation), and am feeling a little bit naughty from stir craziness so considering Affleck's penchant for Vegas, I figured we might as well put together a few betting odds about what the next few months will result in for us, since we've all seen headliner celebrity divorces before.  Here we go:

Odds That...

-They will describe the split as amicable (Even)

-That CNN will have used the phrase "breaking news" and interrupted a story about ISIS or the Greek economic meltdown to share this story (11-8)

-That a body language expert will be referenced in an In Touch magazine article to discuss their last public outing (5-4)

-That Garner will appear on the cover of Star magazine in a photo of her yelling, with a headline saying "Get Out!: Jen Kicks Ben to the Curb!" (4-3)

-That Affleck will be linked with a cocktail waitress, bartender, stripper, or some other "other woman" cliche (3-2)

-That Garner will be put on the same OK! Magazine cover as Katie Holmes looking sad and like a bag lady despite wearing enough couture to make your next ten mortgage payments (2-1)

-That Affleck will be romantically linked to his next leading woman (3-1)

-That Garner will move to NYC and make her Broadway debut to try and get around the paps in LA (5-1)

-That Garner will start dating a personal trainer/life coach/bodyguard/yoga instructor/costar in that play within six months (7-1)

-That Affleck will be linked to one of George Clooney's exes (8-1)

-That Matt Damon will be labeled the other man by the National Enquirer (10-1)

-That Matt Damon will be labeled the other woman by the National Enquirer (25-1)

-That Ben Affleck will start dating Jennifer Lawrence to create Bennifer, Part 3 (50-1)

-That Jennifer Lopez was somehow involved (100-1)

-That a Kardashian was somehow involved (250-1)

-That Angelina Jolie was somehow involved (500-1)

-That Scientology was somehow involved (1000-1)

-That this will finally give Affleck the time to make Gigli: Back in the Habit (2000-1)

-That Garner said "argo fuck yourself" when she told Affleck to hit the curb (5000-1)

-That they will put aside their differences to make Daredevil 2: This Time It's Personal (10,000-1)

-That Donald Trump will somehow blame this on Mexico (EVEN)